From Boy to Man: Why Risk is the Path to Masculine Maturity - Part 4 - False Freedom and the Flight from Covenant

Why Boys Run from Vows and Men Make Them

Freedom is one of the most misused words in modern masculine lexicon. Every boy wants it. Every man pretends to understand it. Our culture, drunk on the fumes of autonomy, keeps pumping out the same message: real freedom is having no one to answer to. But that's not freedom…that’s exile. And it's killed generations of men, and society, who mistake escape for strength.

The puer aeternus worships freedom in its most childish form: freedom from responsibility, freedom from consequences, freedom from suffering. He won’t marry because it might tether him, or, because he knows he’s a boy… that it will end and as the more toxic in the red pill communities will often sing in chorus “I’ll lose half my stuff”. He won’t take spiritual authority because it might expose his ignorance of the faith he claims to hold. He won’t build anything lasting because an ebenezer of lasting permanence terrifies him. He’s allergic to vows because they imply that his feelings might not always matter most.

He wants liberty without loyalty, purpose without price, and intimacy without investment.

But Scripture calls that slavery, not liberty.

Covenant: The Man-Maker

Covenant is God's chosen forge for men. From Adam in the garden, to Abraham under the stars, to Christ at the Last Supper… God always binds men to Himself and to others through vows. A biblical theology is covenant theology: God makes, sustains, and fulfills binding relationships that require sacrifice.

What’s more, God holds His end of the covenant even when we fail ours. That’s grace. But that’s also the model: the man of God enters covenant not because he is flawless, but because he is faithful. The boy waits to feel ready. The man acts because God said, “Go.”

What Boys Fear About Vows

To the immature soul, a vow feels like a trap. What if I change? What if they change? What if I want out, or they do? What if it hurts?

Exactly.

That’s the point. Vows aren’t made in ignorance of pain—they're made in full knowledge that pain will come. They're declarations of what you will do even when your feelings have fled and your options are gone.

That’s why marriage is a covenant, not a contract. That’s why fatherhood is a calling, not a hobby. That’s why church membership is a commitment, not a consumer choice. Every time a man binds himself, he lays down the right to escape. And in doing so, he becomes more like Christ. Because the cross was not a vibe. It was a vow.

False Freedom vs. Real Freedom

Modern masculine culture fears commitment because the consistently repeated lie is that commitment will it limit the man. But real men know that commitment defines them. False freedom says: “I do what I want, when I want.” Real freedom says: “I do what I was made for, even when it costs me.”

In woodworking, structure is everything. A board that refuses to be fixed in place will never become a table. In racing, a driver who ignores the track ends up in a ditch. In literature, a protagonist who refuses the call never becomes a hero. Vows are the frame that give meaning to movement. No man becomes great by staying unbound. Ask Odysseus. Ask Paul. Ask the man who’s been married for 40 years and buried two children and still gets up to make his wife coffee.

Jesus Didn’t Swipe Left on the Bride

Christ is the ultimate example of a man who did not flee covenant. He didn’t ghost the Church when she was at her worst. He pursued, bled, died, and rose… all because He made a vow. And now, every man who bears His name is called to do the same. You’re not more spiritual for refusing to commit. You’re not wiser for avoiding accountability. You’re just a boy with a beard. The path to manhood is paved with promises kept. You don’t find yourself by staying free. You forge yourself by staying faithful.

Final Word: Burn the Exit Strategy

If you want to grow up, burn the parachute. Stop looking for the back door. Get married and stay married. Join a church and submit. Start the thing and don’t quit when it stops being fun.

The boy lives for options. The man lives for oaths.